[While attending the Lifesong for Orphans Benefit a few years ago, we were asked by an orphan advocate from the east-coast to share our thoughts regarding group home verses foster care for children entering 'the system'. This is the response. It is still relevant today.]
Dear Sir,
You posed the question...which is more beneficial for children in America taken from their homes by Social Services, to be placed in a group home or a foster care home prior to returning to birth-family or adoption or their 18th birthday?
This is a very interesting question of which we have given quite a bit of thought to over the last seven years. What precipitated our internal query into the subject is the interesting fact that we adopted four girls through our local foster care system, four children through a Russian orphanage and three children who had been in the Philippine's orphanage and foster care/group home system as well as having three children by birth. By God's sovereign design all eleven of our adopted children (regardless of country origin) had at least one, if not more, of their 'new siblings' sharing similar stories and ages of when they first came into 'State care' as well as similar ages of when we adopted them. How these children adjusted, embraced or rejected our family, having the 'control factor' of three birth-children as well as having many friends who have adopted, gave rise to the question...Which 'Public Institution' (orphanage, foster care, or group home) is best to help a child adjust to being placed in a permanent family by adoption or to enter the world on the 18th birthday?
The curious thing is, our foreign-born children (ranging in ages from 8-12 years old) coming from an orphanage and group home setting did better adjusting to the ebb and flow of joining an adoptive family (at least at first). The 11 yr. old who came from a foster home in the USA had a much harder time of adjusting. There are many factors that could and do attribute to this difference but the one that is most pertinent to this conversation is the reality that the girls loyalty was to their birth-family though parental rights had been terminated and they could not have contact until their 18th birthday. They had not come to terms with this in the truest sense or in the depths of their heart. So when they were approached regarding adoption they were all for it as the next step in ‘housing’; not because they wanted to have fellowship, bond with, or learn from these new parents. It is with these experiences in mind that we share the following thoughts.
There are true advantages to placing older children/young adults (10 yrs old to 18) in a group home or orphanage The often traumatic but necessary event of 'taking children from their birth-family' creates emotions and reactions that could be better processed if the child were with other children of 'like situation'. The process of placing this older child/young adult in a family setting to be repeatedly moved or jostled from visits with birth-family to assimilating into foster-family puts a toll on all involved. Often in these moves between foster families there are changes in school of which they are the 'only ones' in foster care. So not only do they have to deal with the emotions of leaving birth-family (even if it is bad, it is all they knew!) they have the emotions of 'joining' another family culture (hopefully of a higher moral character then the one they came from) and peer culture adding new stress on top of the stress of uncertainty. The group home setting adds stability to an unstable situation. The child is mainly forced to adjust to a few rules to make life pleasant for all occupants. In a foster home situation the child not only must obey the family rules but typically is expected to join in the family activities and adapt to their 'way of doing things'. Now for some children this is a welcome change and a dream come true. But for many teenagers this is just fodder for more rebellion and wayward behavior meaning removal to a new foster home. Also, if the State decides to try birth-parent and child reunion and it does not work, the child never returns to the former foster care home; but maybe they could return to the same group home (unfamiliar with group home policy). This would cut down on adjustments while in 'the system'.
Younger children are no less subject to the emotions and trauma of being displaced from their birth-families. However, due to the fact that they are not as peer driven and still need nurturing, they are better suited to be placed in foster care families where their individual needs can be met and directed towards healthy responses. This not only applies to their physical needs but as well as their emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. Babies (0-3 yo) are in particular need of individualized care which only foster care can provide. Studies have shown the benefits of rocking, holding especially during bottle feeding, eye contact, engaged conversation, etc. goes miles towards healthy development (Inside The Brain by Ronald Kotulak). This cannot be properly or adequately done in a group home or orphanage setting.
A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself. Proverbs 18:2
Even these two assessments, based on having adopted several children of varying ages and backgrounds, is flawed from the beginning. The reality is, we live in a fallen world where sin is the driving force of man's nature; if he has not been 'born again' of the Holy Spirit. So the act of putting children in a group home, orphanage, or foster home is compounded by the adults and the children they are trying to help. It is difficult enough to deal with a child who lies, steals, and cheats when you have adopted them. It is a whole other game when they are 'Wards of the State' and they are seen as victims of abuse instead of potential abusers themselves. They should be seen as 'little sinners' capable of the most hideous crimes against God and man if left to their own vices; thereby possible abusers of the very people who are trying to help them. The other danger in this mix is, if two or more 'sinful' children living together are like-mind (sexual, stealing, lying, drugs/alcohol/smoking) they will seek to act out their desires/passions together. Even the most well-trained, well-educated doctors are stumped when it comes to this 'acting out'. (See The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Dr. Bruce Perry) What discipline can you exact to drive the message home that this behavior or attitude is unacceptable in the 'home' or in society for that matter? And if the 'parents', be it foster or group home/orphanage, are always changing, then so are the conditions for acceptable behavior vs. punishable behavior. Yikes! So much to process in theory as well as practicality.
Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it. Psalm 127
As Christians, the first thing that must be addressed regarding this entire issue biblically is the question: What is the Lord's desire regarding orphans/fatherless?! Historically, it is documented that first century Christians took it upon themselves to care for the abandoned children and to appoint church leaders to oversee their care and placement in a Christian family to be taught the things of Christ. (The Atheism of the Early Church, R.J. Rushdoony and The Rise of Christianity,W.H.C. Frend) This tradition can be seen today in part with Crisis Pregnancy Centers, foster care systems, orphanages/children’s homes, and adoption agencies. Unfortunately, the Church to a very large extent has given up the responsibility to the State. (It is a travesty!) Yet the Lord has and is raising up individuals who still believe in James 1:27 through adoption agencies, foster care homes, and adoption. However, ground could also be recovered with group homes playing an integral part of God's plan if it is a place where children will be 'taught of the Lord'.
A father of the fatherless...God setteth the solitary in families. Psalms 68:5-6
We truly believe the ultimate goal of the Lord is for orphaned/abandoned children (whether by parent's death or termination of rights) to be in Christian families through adoption. This again is where group homes and foster care could play a very active role! Children coming into the 'system' have months, if not years, of waiting for parental-rights to be terminated, thereby making them available for adoption. In this interim period, the child can be in a situation where they are taught of the Lord through scriptures, counseled based on biblical principals (How To Help People Change, Jay E. Adams), and instructed in appropriate forms of behavior and attitude (The Heart of Anger, Lou Proilo) before entering a family permanently. This is also a time when the children can be 'screened' for their 'desire' to be placed in a family; not all children want to be adopted and not all children want to grow up without loving and supportive parents.
Hope this is of use to you.
In His Service,
Bob and Katherine Sanford
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