Getting Down and Dirty

And above all things have fervent love for one another, for

"love will cover a multitude of sins."

1 Peter 4:8

A family our size does not get to where we are on an adoption journey without seeing or experiencing many very ugly situations, trials, or challenges. Most people who know us, see dear children rescued from certain abandonment and poverty, now enjoying a life of middle-class luxury and refinement. They see the clean faces and neat clothes, respectful attitudes and bright smiles, and think, "Boy, adopted kids are really adorable" and "Wow, how lucky those kids are".

NOT!

Don't get us wrong, we absolutely love our children and know we are very uniquely blessed of the Lord with each one! We fight for them and protect them. We enjoy them and rebuke them. We train them in the fear and admonition of the Lord and hold them to their covenant vow made on the day of their adoption (explained here). But, the reality is, all of our children came to us full of sin and they live with parents who are sinners.

We have all seen some stuff and it is not pretty. Try as you may, you will not know who we are talking about; however, we are going to give you a glimpse into some of the things we have had to overcome as a family and as individuals.

For the sake of space and privacy we will just list out all the trials and testing the Lord has brought us through: night terrors, flagrant and chronic lying, profound belligerence, 'demonic behaviors', night roaming, sweet and obedient in our presence while doing real evil outside our sight, frequent stealing, severe sexual acting-out, self-cutting/slashing, violent self-abuse, death threats, run-away, arrest, courts, social services investigation, states attorney investigation, psychologist/therapists, playing with fire, urinating and defecating (and not in the bathroom), vindictive vomiting (also, not in the bathroom), zero affection and gratitude, severe insecurity, depressive self-pitying, fainting to avoid truth, deer-in-headlights expression, steeled defiant silence, violent/explosive anger, compulsive and/or violent self-comforting, anti-authority and highly oppositional, blatant betrayal, slander in the community; as well as dealing with ADD, ADHD, and multiple language and learning disabilities.

Not quite the 'Badges of Honor' most families want, but they are all ours and we are thankful!

So, how have we coped with these interesting and, many times, overwhelming issues? Biblically. We believed God’s promises regarding child training and life in general. We know “it is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man” and the Lord has honored that. We have story upon story of victory over each of these heart issues and disabilities. We give God all the praise! And though we have been 'tried with fire', the 'joy of the Lord' has been our strength.

Everyone is different but God knew best how to transform us, conforming us to the image of His Son. What we have learned in the process is there are many hidden sins in all of our hearts. God revealed the depths of our sins by making us a family and forcing us to deal with each other. He also revealed the truth of hearts towards repentance and faith (not all of our children wanted it).

Most people will not understand what we have gone through or how 'down and dirty' things really were in our home. We have often been judged and alone. We have cried out to God many times asking, "How could you allow these things to happen?!" Yet, the Lord comforts us with one of the most gracious verses in the Bible, 'though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered.' Hebrews 5:8. He also assures us 'that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose' Romans 8:28...to which we can truly say, amen and amen!

Though often times we were sinking in the 'down and dirty', love always raised us up...love of Christ to parents, parents' love to children and, for most of our children, their love back to parents and Christ. This love 'shed abroad in our hearts' healed and filled us to love despite the ugly and the 'down right dirty'.

P.S. Some great books the Lord lead us to that helped us in the process: 

Equipped to Love: Idolatry-free Relationship by Norm Wakefield (Explains how to love with Christ-love and not self-love. Excellent in dealing with rebellious children)

The Heart of Anger: Helping Angry Children by Lou Priolo (Gives fresh approach to tried and true biblical parenting and discipline)

Fool-proofing your Life by Jan Silvious (This book was a gift from God to explain behaviors b)blically, without psycho babble)

You’ve Got To Be Kidding: Real life parenting advise from a mom and dad of nineteen by Pat Williams (This family has 5 birth, 14 adopted; they have been there, done that!)

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God by Jonathan Edwards (Gives a clear picture of the unregenerate/unsaved heart and mind)